Thursday, October 11, 2012

Deja Vu?

Well here I am again. I've been here before but somehow it seems different this time. I'm stronger both mentally and physically then I was the first time around only a year (REALLY Universe?) ago. These past three weeks have seriously tested my strength. First, one of my expandable implants sprung a very large leak and pretty much deflated inside my chest. Second, while looking over my most recent chest CT scan results my Oncologist noticed an abnormal looking lymph node in my left armpit and sent me for a biopsy. Third, I had surgery to replace my defective implant as well as my implant that was fine (since they're from the same batch we had to make sure we got rid of the chance it could also leak). Fourth, I received news that my biopsy results were in. The result? Not good. My cancer has returned. Wow. It's so much heavier seeing it written down. My Oncologist isn't sure exactly how this happened since I'm still in active treatment and its quite rare for that to happen. But if there's one thing I've learned on this journey is that if there's a chance of something going wrong, it will go wrong for me. My path on this journey has not been easy so far but what is? This is life, it's reality. Sometimes it's not pretty, you get really low and wonder why it's happening to you. Why you can't catch a break. Then you realize it's what will make you stronger. It builds your character, gives you life experience that no one will gain unless they've fought a similar battle. It gives you grit and compassion. It shows you vulnerability and perseverance that you never knew existed. It shows you you're human and you feel every single thought. It's ok to be scared but know you're not alone.

My cancer may be back but so am I. I'm ready to fight and I WILL WIN.

Lots of love,
Heather xo

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Yes, you will win.

Angela said...

Heather,

I'm so sorry to hear your cancer has returned. I am confident you will see your way through this stage of your journey.

Your statements on life are resonating with me. This past year has been a struggle and a battle, certainly for a different reason.

You're right. I'm not alone but I'm terrified. I get really low and I can't figure out why I can't catch a break.

I haven't realized yet how this has helped me build character although I'm sure it has.

I'm with you every step of your fight, even though we've never met. What little strength I have left to share is yours.

Angela

Heather said...

Thank you so much Angela. I've followed your struggle so far this year and I truly hope that life gets easier for you too. You deserve a great job and to be with your American and live "Happily Ever After", whatever that may mean to you.

I can honestly say that it wasn't until today that I realized how much cancer has helped me grow into who I am today. Maybe because I'm facing it again knowing that I'm capable of beating it or something else I don't know.

I will gladly accept your strength as I know you are one tough cookie, in return I will offer ears to listen, eyes to read and a shoulder to cry on. We'll both get through what we need to and come out better for it on the other end. Even though it may be hard to see it right now.

Heather

Maura said...

I WILL PUNCH THAT CANCER IN THE NUTS.

Love ya, babe. You will kick its ass again. Always in my prayers!

Cameron VSJ said...

Hi,

I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?

Thanks,

Cameron